Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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