Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
