I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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