I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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