When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
