just tell him i said nine months
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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