ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
