We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
