Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
