Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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