How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Two words: nipple clamps
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