i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you never un-have a 4some
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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