Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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