thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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