There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
