I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
