I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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