Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
