please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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