i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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