the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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