my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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