Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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