I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
