i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
