They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
