I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
