i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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