I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
