she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
