i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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