I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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