but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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