god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
