My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we're so committed to being not committed
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
