..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
