And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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