I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you win again, gameday.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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