I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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