I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.