my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?