I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this just has baby written all over it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming