so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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