well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i think my cat just said my name.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
