He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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