good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
