If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
