I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
