kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
