You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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