chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
