oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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