I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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