Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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