I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
