I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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