Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
FUCK WHALES
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