I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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