fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
