so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
