She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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