Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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