Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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