Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
