Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
